The Champ

On April 26, our so-called president (small P) lied his 10,000th lie to the American people and the rest of the world, according to the Washington Post, which has kept a very close count. At eight lies a day, that makes this schmuck the Champion Liar of All Time.

Think about it: we all lie in one way or another from time to time, but only a pathological liar could shoot the lying moon like this. You have to take him at his word that he is brilliant in all things because it takes a brilliant liar to dream up eight a day.

But he doesn't really dream them up. They are all there in the lizard part of his brain, just waiting to be released like flights of evil bats. And he isn't a limited liar; you name it, he can lie about it. What kind of mind holds lying as a simple reflex, like breathing? His.

The Post only tracks presidential lies, not the ones he told on the campaign trail. There's probably another ten grand of lies lying there. It started with his dark and paranoid inaugural speech, when he planted the lie of American carnage in the minds of those whose minds are weak enough to accept it. 

Then he really got rolling when he claimed that his inauguration was probably the biggest event in history, dwarfing any inaugurations by the likes of Barack Obama.

In his dumpy blue suits and red tie, which one wag said makes him look like a thermometer, lying is a full-time job with this dude. Middle of the night? No problem – he has just the twitter lie for any night hawks. Air Force One? Easy lying there, high above the world and the truth. His lie that little Donnie was actually meeting with the Russians to talk over the adoption of children was the best lie ever told on an airplane. It just came out; his lying is so creative he could easily be a science fiction writer – accept he doesn't believe in science.

Charlottesville might have been his crowning glory of a lie. “Decent people on both sides” was an immediate classic. So what if videos showed black Nazi armbands and fascist salutes and anti-Semitic chants? He well knows that a lie can take on a life of its own. 

We now have as president a liar who has found a magical way to make lying contagious. I give you as Exhibits A to Z all in one person – ta-ta – Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the greatest Christian Liar of All time. With her waggling jaw and squinty eyes, she can run with a lie faster than a speeding car crashing into Charlottesville peace protesters. 

Sanders is just a necessary flunky, but he has infected with the lie gene even our so-called Attorney General, who has put on some pretty fancy lying performances himself. This swollen toad can't wait for the next glass of presidential Kool-Aid.

Got to give Kellyanne Conway her lying props, too. But dig it – she is both a liar and a leaker, which is pretty creative. Ask George Conway. He'll tell you the truth because he has somehow become immune to the lying germ that has infected his barracuda-jawed wife.

With the 2020 campaign already heating up, odds are that he'll up the lying ante and easily go over 20,000 by the time he's out of office in January 2021 and the sealed indictments are opened.

And I ain't lying. (And I never used Trump's name one time above because I hate it so much.)