Having A Russian Ball

Helsinki leaves only three possible conclusions: first, Putin has the goods on Trump and is playing him like a mandolin; second, hand in hand with the first, is that our president is a traitor; and, third, that Donald Trump is in fact certifiably insane.

When Putin handed Trump that soccer ball he took the play completely away from our Great Negotiator, put him in complete short pants, and showed the rest of the world that Donald Trump is indeed an outclassed chump. 

The bad guys of the world must be lining up for a session with Trump. Just ask and it shall be given. There has not been one bad guy – Kim, Duterte, Putin – who hasn’t made Trump look like a whining boy playing against grown men and had him doing whatever backflips they called.

And old salesman’s trick is to tell a potential customer that he’s wearing a nice tie. It works on the chumps, but not even Putin could bring himself to comment on that stupid red tie Trump insists on wearing. He didn’t have to. All he had to do was hand him that soccer ball.

I think when Trump and Melania are alone, he”ll pull a jewelry case out of the pocket of that baggy-ass suit, open it and show her what Putin gave him when they were having their little private tete a tete.

Lo and behold, it is the Vladimir K. Lenin Medal of Supreme Service to the Soviet Union, an exact replica of the one around the neck of Lenin’s waxy corpse in that big silent tomb on Red Square. 

Donald Trump has earned that medal many times over. His subservience to Putin was evident as they took the podium for the so-called press conference. Putin had the spring in his step of a guy who knew he was a winner and was going to stay a winner. Trump looked like he was either going to trip over the dais itself or be tripped up by that stupid-ass necktie. All this red power shit went out with Nancy Reagan and “Just say no,” which Trump never will say to Putin, which is excruciatingly clear to the rest of the world now after his cowardly and treasonous performance in Helsinki. 

Oh, I love the way Trump’s mouth hangs open when he acts like he’s paying attention and has some idea of the subject matter. It’s his “Duh” face and we’re seeing it more and more the loonier he acts.

If he is crazy. I think not – certifiably, at least. Rather, he is a supremely egotistical and narcissistic adolescent deeply and tragically afraid of and in the thrall of a seasoned and ruthless intelligence officer who is the Russian president.

We may never know what Putin has on Trump. We might not live long enough to find out at this rate. Still, there is always the outside chance that Robert Mueller’s operatives will find out. They were able to pinpoint the names and ranks of the Soviet military responsible for the election cyber attacks. That is a hell of an intelligence job, Trump’s ceaseless insults to our intelligence community aside.

If that ever happens, Putin will want his soccer ball back.