WHOOPEE

Dang, them Repubs  sure know how to put on a convention for the ages. I just saw the lineup and it is far and away a gazillion times more impressive than the attack on America put on by those cowardly Dems.

Dig it, America. This is how you do a convention in these dangerous and daunting times. You get your family out there telling the total truth of why America is the world leader in everything imaginable, not just those pesky Covid deaths (vastly exaggerated by the fake news).  

Monday night, the handsome, articulate First Son will strut out and regale us with his version of why America is the Land of Promise. He knows that at first hand. Where else could a child with no discernible talents other than killing defenseless animals and dating endless bimbos lead off the Greatest Convention in History? Of course, the big question in these perilous times is whether Donald Junior will keep his handsome beard for his kickoff address? This is important. Very important. If he shaves, it could lead to a razor commercial. 

And Donald Junior will promise America that white lives are really what matter and that he and his dad will do all within their limitless power to keep alive their theme of “White Is Right.” 

And in a break from so-called “tradition,” the President himself will back up his family each night of this spectacular convention with another of his powerful, righteous, God-blessed speeches. Every night at ten o'clock Donald Trump will put the so-called stunning speeches of those traitorous Obamas in the deep shade where they belong. Indeed a master stroke.

Tuesday the First Lady will speak from the Rose Garden she has just changed into a virtual miracle with her unerring sense of design and color. So what if the roses are mostly missing? We don't need no stinking roses. Melania will prove that America is indeed the Land of Opportunity – her theme – by rehearsing her path from a mere porno queen courtesan to the First Lady of Greatness. There is even a rumor that Melania will hold Donald's hand as he takes over the Rose Garden. As a special bonus for those among the faithful who might have some trouble with Melania's sophisticated accent, there will be captions. Great move, no?

On Wednesday, the Trump family takes a break and hands over the greatness to Mike and Mother Pence, who will discuss America as a Land of Heroes. It is rumored that Mike Pence will introduce such American heroes as the Pillow Guy and the Gunned Up Lawyers. Don't be surprised if the Gunned Up Lawyers put on a display of marksmanship by shooting a pillow from under the head of Stephen Miller. Mother Pence will pray the entire time.

Yes, we have indeed become a land of Real Greatness during the Trump reign and in accepting the nomination Donald Trump will regale the spellbound nation with an endless recitation of the New Greatness like The Wall, the economy, and – yes, at last – the announcement that his vast army of scientists has indeed found a cure for Covid 19 – malaria. 

By ingesting capsules of malaria virus, at least three of Trump's geniuses have found, there will be an immunity from just about anything because this will move the recipient into the virus-free environment known as death.

What could be greater?