Wildwood Rally Revisited

President Donald J. Trump's spectacular rally in Wildwood, NJ, was one of the all-time greatest in a litany of truly great rallies.

President Trump started the evening by greeting his fans with, “Hello, Wildwood, it's so great to be back here in New Jersey where I had my great success in the casino industry. I made Atlantic City greater than Las Vegas and Reno and Monte Carlo over in Italy.

“I know the real name here is Wildwood By The Sea because it's right next to that big ocean right out there. It's big, right? Very big. They call it the sea. I probably know more about oceans and seas than anybody else now that Jacques Crusteau is dead. I taught him a lot, really. You could ask him when he was alive. 

“I know all those so-called protesters are mad that we put them so far way and that we asked our friends the Pagans and Bikers For Trump to keep an eye on them, but we had a lot of reports from a lot of very dependable and truthful people that they were planning to smash their way in here and say bad things about me.  And even about my wonderful family. They would have been here except they're all out there doing important things for the country and really the world when you get right down to it. Why don't we all give them a big hand, especially my Ivanka who is so beautiful and smart that she could easily be the first woman President? And Don Junior who could be a good President right after me if those nasty Democrats don't let me stay on forever. And you want that, right? Let me hear you!

“Now the reason I'm here is for this guy right here – my old friend Jeff Van Drew. He actually used to come to Trump Tower to take care of my teeth when he was a dentist. Just look at these teeth! Perfect, right? And Jeff here is the smartest dentist in America because he saw that that the Democrats are full of cavities and so he came over here to the party of perfect teeth. If you want to keep your teeth, vote for Jeff! That's so important, right? Good teeth. Good teeth for all Americans who vote for Jeff and me. Healthy teeth make a healthy America! Jeff, come up here and say something!”

Van Drew is actually wearing a dentist's white coat with MAGA across the front. He stumbles a bit on the steps, and them gives Trump a hug and says, “Open wide, Mister President.”

Trump does and Van Drew looks in his mouth and turns to the crowd and yells, “Perfect! Perfect! Perfect teeth for our perfect President. What more could we want? I actually used to hate looking in the mouths of Democrats because I was always afraid of getting the horrible germs they have in there. That's why I came over to the clean-mouth side.

“And, guess what? President Donald J. Trump is making available a 'Make Your Mouth Great Again' kit as you leave for the measly sum of only $10. And all the proceeds will go the Donald J. Trump Foundation For Great Teeth In America. Cash only. Mr. President, you are indeed the Great Dentist in the Sky, if you don't mind a little oral poetry.”

“Not at all, Jeff. I'm a great poet myself. In fact, I'm being nominated for the Nobel Prize for Literature. And that's even before I actually write anything. So good-night, Wildwood By The Ocean! And don't forget to brush!”