The morning of the first day of the Trump Shutdown, its namesake called one of his top advisers, Rush Limbaugh, with a proposition. Would Limbaugh like to be Secretary of Defense?
The radio host waited perhaps two seconds before refusing, telling the president that at this stage of his life he couldn't afford a pay cut. Also, he said he was more valuable as an outside adviser, safe from any of those pesky ethics people that were still hanging around. Limbaugh deflected the President's disappointment by suggesting that another of Trump's close advisers, Sean Hannity, might be up for the job.
“I already asked him,” Trump said. “He said he'd rather be Secretary of State after Pompeo leaves. I told him Pompeo has no plans to leave. He said, 'Not yet.'”
Limbaugh then suggested Ann Coulter or Laura Ingraham, and Trump winced, saying they have gotten too mouthy lately. “Well, so have I, actually,” Limbaugh said.
“Yeah, but you're a guy,” Trump said. “I mean what if they start that at some cabinet meeting or something? I can't be taking that shit from a fucking woman.”
“Yeah, yeah, I see what you mean,” Limbaugh agreed. “But how come you listened to them about the wall and the shutdown?”
“I can't be taking any chances right now,” Trump said. “They have the base listening to them. At least that's what I hear.”
“It's true,” said Limbaugh. “The base is everything. They are our – I mean your – insurance policy against all this shit. What do you hear about the shutdown?”
“A lot of crying so far. You know. Shit, these people knew this could happen when they signed on. So what if a few parks are closed or there's nobody looking out for forest fires? The fucking wall is more important than that and all that shit about no pay at Christmas. Do you see me crying?”
“You never cry, sir. And you never apologize. Any feedback on the pullout?”
“Sure. Just like I told that Turkish guy there'd be. We both laughed. Then I told him I'd be pointing up to the sky and talking about soldier angels and all that shit and we both laughed again. He thought it was a nice touch.”
“One good thing is that it got rid of Mattis. You were right about him right along, sir. He's a Democrat. No doubt.”
“And did you see that letter? Treasonous probably. Not one word about the great job I'm doing.”
“Getting back to the shutdown, how long do you think it will last?” Limbaugh asked.
“Until I get my five billion.”
“But Pelosi and Schumer said that will never happen.”
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