Don't Pardon This Turkey

I decided not to write anything about Trump over Thanksgiving for fear of causing massive, collective indigestion.

But now that Black Friday is over with only an average casualty report, I can say that I think this Thanksgiving will be truly memorable in the annals of American history. 

Even George W. Bush had the heart – the balls? – to visit the troops  in the war he fraudulently started. The great Lucian Truscott IV said not to worry about Trump because he was visiting his own troops at Mar-A-Lago this Thanksgiving. Truth be told, he did bomb in on some kind of vague Coast Guard operation in Florida with a look on his face like he smelled a Democrat while he half-heartedly shook hands with the half-hearted Coasties. 

Parenthetically, we were marched like prisoners to see Bob Hope in Korea and when the mustachioed Jerry Colonna from Hope's show came to our mess hall we all threw rolls and turkey legs at him. 

Anyhow, Trump did something even cooler than visiting the troops overseas this Thanksgiving. He flat out told the unvarnished truth to the world. This man who has been vilified for his truly gargantuan capacity for lying, answered a press question with what you knew in his heart was all the truth and nothing but the truth so help Roy Cohn. That made this Thanksgiving historical.

When he was asked what he was most thankful for, Trump dropped a one-sentence nod to family and then said he was most thankful for the “tremendous difference” he has made as President. Never have we been so strong. Indeed, Trump said, “When I see foreign leaders they say they cannot believe the difference in strength between the United States now and the United States two years ago.” 

The White House issued a press statement to back up the President's claim to such acclaim. First, it said that while President Trump's obvious admirers like Putin, Kim, and Dutarte certainly see us as many times stronger than before Trump, even his personally selected enemies have admitted privately that the strength America has gained under Donald Trump has been terrific despite the horrible things Trump has said about them personally.

In formerly off-the-record quotes from the adversaries Trump has strategically created, and which Trump himself authorized to be released anyhow, he is praised for the strengthening of America.

“He might be a boor, but he's totally strengthened America,” Angela Merkel told a friend. “I think maybe the world is taking the wrong slant on his use of the word 'nationalism.' Even if 'Nazi' is actually 'National Socialism,' I don't think his limited sense of history was aware of that.”

Justin Trudeau said, “Insults and stupidity aside, Donald Trump is building a national powerhouse that any President in history would be proud of, and that includes Richard Nixon.”

Emmanuel Macron: “I can actually forgive the insults to my wife and my country in light of the greatness President Trump is showing in strengthening America even if it might heighten the security concerns of the world at large.”

Fake news sources have said that Merkel, Trudeau, and Macron have denied the quotes. Trump has answered, “They can't handle the truth.”