Dress Right, Dress!

The above military command means that everyone in a rank should be in a straight line with the person on either side of them. You shoot your left arm out and touch the shoulder next to you, all the while looking off to your right. Or something like that. It’s been a long time since I dressed right and I didn’t feel like looking it up.

Anyhow, that was an intro to the Biggest Parade in the History of the World that DT – alias Cadet Bone Spurs – is cooking up to show that same world that not only is his nuclear button bigger than Kim’s but that his parade will make that French Bastille Day parade look like a Boy Scout troop on the Fourth of July.

It’s simple: the greatest president ever must have the greatest parade ever. An anonymous source within the Joint Chiefs of Staff revealed that the Cadet in Chief (CIC) said he wants at least a million people in uniform marching down Pennsylvania Avenue even if it means bringing back troops from Korea and Afghanistan and everywhere else in the world we have a military presence. “Don’t worry,” he told the JCS, “it’ll only be for a couple weeks when you count the travel and rehearsal.”

He also said he wanted 45,000 tanks to roll down Pennsy Ave. to celebrate the 45^th presidency, the greatest in the history of time itself. When a general observed that we currently don’t even have 6,000 tanks, he said we should borrow the rest from those countries where we’re sending billions of dollars in aid. And they should pay for sending them and their crews over and also pay for putting American flag decals on their tanks. When the generals said it would take months to organize such a tank force, the Cadet said they’d better start right now then to have everything ready by the Fourth of July.

When one of the generals pointed out that a parade that big will take at least 24 hours to pass the reviewing stand, the Cadet in Chief said that the tech people can create a hologram of him that will make it look like he’s there for the whole parade. The hologram would salute every so often for a realistic touch. He’ll be in the White House watching most of it on Fox News.

When another general said that a quick reckoning showed that such a monster parade would cost in the neighborhood of five billion dollars, the CIC said, “Big fucking deal! Take it out of the big budget I just gave you guys. Jeez!”

When he was back at the White House, the CIC called his tailor in to get an outfit for the parade. “I want to dress right – get it?” he told the tailor. “I learned that in military school, by the way.”

The CIC called in Melania and Ivanka to consult for his parade outfit and they finally came up with a camo uniform like Washington wore when he crossed the Delaware – “like in that picture ” -- he said, but the hat would be red with “AMERICA IS NOW GREAT!” on it in all caps.

“Christ – I forgot!” he said later to Mike Pence. “Tell them I want a jet fly-over every 45 minutes – at least a thousand planes, too!”

“Yes, sire,” Pence answered.