Who Matters?

I’m glad Trump is out of the country. It’s like a pestilence has been shipped abroad. Here, Asia, you deal with this asshole, while we take a Trump break.

I’m actually feeling safer while he’s away. When he’s sitting all scrunched up in the White House with that remote in one hand and his Twitter phone in the other, he is a clear and present danger to civilization as we know it, while he broods on the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that he has brought upon himself and everybody near –and even dear, if that’s possible – to him.

In Asia, they’re keeping him on the go in the hopes that he won’t create the serial protocol calamities he did on his ill-starred European jaunt. I notice that he opted out, as they say, of a stop at Panmunjom, which has been traditional for American presidents. I have that feeling that Trump thinks that fellow lunatic Kim Jong Un might very well lob a few missiles his way when Trump is that close and such an easy target. 

Not that our Prez is a coward or anything. Hell, didn’t you see that cool flight jacket he was wearing? How many missions was that he flew in ‘Nam? Oh, I forgot, those pesky bone spurs kept him out. But you can’t call a guy a coward who calls out NFL football players as “sons of bitches.” No, sir, we got ourselves a brave-ass president, who has the balls to call out war widows and whole Gold Star families, too. Somebody has got to stand up to them.

Before he lit out for the Orient, Trump told the detestable Laura Ingraham that “I’m the only one that matters.” That doesn’t sound too democratic from the head of a democracy. Still, it must be nice to have a working life philosophy that can so easily be put into one short sentence.

And who’s going to quibble over some incorrect usage? Everybody says “that” instead of “who” any more even though “that” is an inanimate object., while “who” is a person.

Whatever, Donald Trump has never been one to let correctness – or legality or morality -- stand in his way, which goes with his “me matters most” philosophy. And here is a guy who has lived up to his “me first” philosophy every day of his life, as will the tens of thousands of people he has burned attest.

And now, through the cruelest tricks of our flawed electoral college and the stupidity of a significant part of the American electorate, Don Trump gets to bring his “I’m the only one that matters” belief onto the unforgiving stage of international diplomacy, which he knows as much about as he does about any of its elements like probity, civility, mutual respect, and learned wisdom.

I think in his poor, stunted, heart of hearts, this cringing psychopath might actually think that he is, indeed, the only one that matters -- in all the world and the vast chambers of space beyond.

God knows how he got that way, but it must be a cold and lonely and brutish existence where you are the only one who matters.