What if … ?

One of my blog partners has come up with some theories that fit right into this topsy-turvy, surreally spinning world that we find ourselves confronted with in the Time of Trump.

And they’re wild, baby. Almost as wild as the fact that this seeming moron is in the White House and  gallivanting all over the world, being serially conned by every head of state who knows a fish when he or she sees one.

Bright shiny objects are the key to reeling in Trump like some orange-haired bigmouth bass. Give him a big dinner and let him think that he’s worth all the phony fuss you’re kicking up for him, and he is yours hook, line, and sinker. Egomaniacs are fish in the barrel, to be shot at leisure.

But wait! My blog pard has this half-serious theory that the dumb-ass Donald Trump we see daily making a fool of himself and everyone around him is actually a dupe, an actor playing the part of a stupid, maddening naïf to facilitate the disintegration of the totally broken political system that our once-proud democracy has become.

My partner points to the fact that Trump didn’t actually decide who would go and who would stay on “The Apprentice.” It was all scripted beforehand and maybe Trump had some input, but he was definitely not the Decider, as Bush II called himself in typical fractured syntax.

Trump could be a secret Democrat, goes one of my man’s theories, set up as a half-assed Republican Prez to gut that party’s viability forever and ever. Yo, he’s doing a hell of a job, no? By the time he’s finished, the trunkless and earless Republican Elephant will be a skeleton in the political elephant’s graveyard, picked over by the carrion crows of history. He might be the most skilled actor of all time, a secret kamikaze patriot who’s been in on the game from jump.

Or Trump might not even know he’s a stooge. Just give him his head and watch the fun – although so far there aren’t too many laughs and a country full of collateral damage.

Another scenario, according to my blog bro, is that Trump isn’t a secret Democratic shill, but the dupe of a clandestine covey of true deciders who want to wipe the American political slate clean and get this country back to the ideals and principles on which it was founded. Trump is their wrecking ball, and again he’s doing a super job.

And, unlike the evil, truly deluded Steve Bannon, who embraces chaos for its own nihilistic sake, these shadowy minions who have installed Trump are bent on a total, necessary catharsis of American politics, throwing out the baby with the dirty political bathwater, as it were, and returning some majesty to our purple mountains.

Need I add a caveat that my blog partner is also one of the world’s great conspiracy theorists, their reach extending even to the alien galaxies of infinite space?

Why not? Let me put in my own two conspiracy cents that Donald Trump could well be the alien anti-christ, sent to earth to prepare us for the true Rapture, which will end life as we know it.

Or is that Kim Jung Un? Maybe they’re both nuclear trigger-men for an alien race.

If Donald Trump can be president, anything is possible.