Sheriff Joe to the Rescue

Using our advanced technology, Civic Duty has intercepted a rather lengthy E-mail from “Sheriff Joe” Arpaio to President Trump. It follows.

“Dear President and Commander in Chief Sir: First I want to thank you more than I already have for giving me back my dignity and rewarding my undying patriotism and loyalty to you, sir, by your great and magnamis act of pardoning me from the horrible and slanderus and illegal conviction that was put upon me by our political and, yes, moral enemies who don’t want to Make America Great Again like us.

“You did the right thing as has been showed by all of your loyal followers like me who have cheered your great and fine decision. They know who the real American patriots like us are, if you don’t mind me putting us together in the same sentence, sir. I say it really with humbleness.

“Since your most welcome and thankful pardon for those false accusations, I have been thinking a lot of what I could ever do to pay you back. I have even seen that you might be looking for a place for me within your great administration organization.

“Well, Mr. President, sir, I see that you and your brave and beautiful wife are actually going to Texas to take a look-see at all that terrible damage that Harvey made. I praise your decision to see it from San Antonio because I don’t think we should ever risk anything happening to you if you had went to Houston.

“Sir, at this critical time you know that there is going to be lawlessness and looting by the usual kind of people in Houston and I am hereby volunteering to go down there personally and take charge of the situation. I don’t think I’m being modest when I tell you, sir, that any wrongdoers of any color – if you get my meaning – are going to think twice when they find out that Sheriff Joe is on the job.

“Think about it, sir. I have all the qualifications of years on the job keeping my part of Arizona basically crime free. I can modestly call myself “America’s Sheriff” when it comes to that.

“And I know the type of people who will try to be out there looting and murdering in Houston and that area. You saw how I dealt with those types in Arizona, and when the water goes down enough I can get some really first-rate outdoor facilities really humming with the types we round up as they go about their criminal activities.

“Another thing, Mr. President, sir, I personally feel I never had enough horses to really do the job in Arizona. Now if you could turn over the Texas National Guard to me and hand out some of those first-rate military deterrents you’ve just authorized, I think I could mop up any problems basically before they start. I’d call it “Incarceration for Potentional Suspicion.”

“It won’t be as good as your friend Mr. Duterte’s doing, but it will sure be a start.

“Let me know, sir. I’ll be oiling my six-shooter.”